the more things appear to be unchanged throughout the 2 months i hvaent been in school, the clearer it occured to me that things changed so much but in such a perceptible way you have to cover your ears and clear your mind then you'll find out. there was once, i walked alone, from biology lab back to class, i was alone, when i crossed dewan's archway, i looked up. there it was, that place, where he always stood indignantly, as if a king, looking down on earth and the little people walking past, semi conscious at that moment, i was actually trying my luck whether you are standing there in the sunlight, overlooking the little people below like you always did. but then it strucked me, FUCK, that classroom is freaking my class now, and you are nowhere near school. 2008 had been nothing but cruel and mean to me, i have never doubted myself so often, so many times ever in my life than in that year itself, my 2008 is made up of salty tears of failure, heart breaks, emotional attacks, 2008 was the worst year of my sec school life. i've wanted, longed for 2008 to end, and for 2009 to just come and thought so innocently that by ending a bad year a good year will follow. but when it finally did end, things just got worse to worst. first week in school, have already felt the insecurity and the pressure of being asked to "trying again", we have never had to "try again". it just sounded wrong to me. blinded by my own pride and arrogance and always so overconfident whatever you bitches can say about me, say it. and now, here we are, being pressured to 'try again' blar blar blar failure is the mother of success blar blar blar. cb, im feeling super insecure and frightened. 2009, we're starting out naked, with nothing but hope. and i fucking missssssssss him aaaargh. miracles are created, not godsent.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
hormones, funny thingss.
thoughen up jingjie wong! =D
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